


just for the show (right?)

by toyang



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M, Musical References
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 07:32:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16828033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toyang/pseuds/toyang
Summary: junmyeon gets casted in his first musical. jongdae is proud of him, really, and he wants to help him at every step of the way. he doesn't know why though, that his mind seems to keep going back to their leader's co-star and the romantic plot they have.





	just for the show (right?)

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt** #124  
>  **Rating:** PG-15  
>  **Prompt:** Jongdae doesn't understand why he gets jealous every time Junmyeon kisses a girl on stage for his musical.
> 
>  **Notes:** i'd like to thank all my friends who helped me write this fic. if it weren't for them, i think i would have still been struggling writing some parts and doubting others. there are a lot of references to their schedules around the time junmyeon was in his musical(s), i don't think i caught all of them, but i did the best i could. ;; with that said, there might be one touchy subject that has been placed in the warnings, but i hope you still enjoy! 
> 
> **Warnings:** musical spoilers, minor mentions of death (both in the musical and jonghyun's)

**ACT I**

their manager walks in looking for junmyeon, his phone is in his hand and his expression disconcerting. the rest of the boys are out of the waiting room meeting with other friends, while the ones who stayed perk up at the arrival.

“there was that musical you auditioned for, the last kiss?” he starts off, but he doesn’t immediately finish his sentence. jinuk always had a knack for keeping up the suspense.

“are the results out?” junmyeon prompts. jongdae notices how the leader’s features might show a certain calmness, but his fingers curl around his phone unconsciously.

he nods back at them, and a smile cracks through that tough exterior. “welcome to the musical actors club, crown prince rudolf.”

“wow, hyung!!!” jongdae is the first one to cheer out in joy, sitting up from his seat and looking at junmyeon with the utmost smile he could muster. the lyrics sheet in his hand meets the unfortunate fate crumpling up on its corner from the excitement. sitting next to him, jongdae can immediately lean towards him and shake his shoulders ecstatically. junmyeon looks... relieved, to say the least, letting the reality of being cast in this musical sink in more before showing his brighter smile as well. jongdae continues on, loosening his hold on the other while he’s sitting properly again with his sheet on his lap. “i’m really happy for you. this _is_ what you have been training for, hm?”

finally, after five years of being in the entertainment business, junmyeon gets another chance to act; a facet in his passion in performing that jongdae think would never die out. this time, a new side of him being shown in a musical. “i didn’t think i would have gotten it, honestly, but thank you.”

jinuk explains that the contract details will be sent out to them soon, for him not to worry about it for now when he has another performance to prepare for today. however, even while busy with something else, the casting is still in their minds and spreads as a topic among the group for the rest of the day.

\--- 🎭 ---

jongdae’s computer is at the table, textbook out and notebook open as he watches the lecture for his next due assignment. thankfully, the end of the term is in a few weeks that he might be able to focus the rest of his time on rehearsals and recording. he has his own solo schedule meeting up with the marketing team about his design, and then another with kwon jungyeol to finalize the production for their sm station collaboration.

a notification goes off on jongdae's phone, realizing that it's from one of the members on the marketing team. "oh. hyung, look! they've sent me a mock design of the badge."

it's still in the works, but the picture is digitally outlined and colored. there are measurements at the bottom and at its side to give an estimation of its size when its embroidered onto the shirt. jongdae is used to having their voices recorded for their tracks and their pictures taken to be printed for other companies, but with this, having his design come to life, drawn from his own hands for the fans especially, is another feeling entirely. there's a certain pride about it, like seeing his baby grow up, considering he's been informed of every step of this process. he must admit, being involved in their own merchandise has been pretty fun.

junmyeon looks up from his own pack of papers and leans over to glance at the picture briefly. there’s a nod in approval and he gives jongdae a thumbs up. "it looks good! i'm sure the fans will like it."

jongdae studies the design on his own to be sure it follows the vision he had, and he messages back the team to let him know of the result. better to get that done and make it wait since he can’t afford too many distractions. one does stare him in the face, unfortunately, seeing their leader’s brows knit together as he reads over the script. "how are your own projects going?"

there’s a sigh, and junmyeon rests back in his chair. his fingers comb through his long hair, and jongdae’s eyes are drawn to the strands that fall in front of his eyes. he has his own urge to ruffle the older’s hair suddenly. "i haven't had much time to practice with kyungah except for at the table readings, so i don't know if we really sound good together."

the musical production starts in between their packed schedule, and memorizing lines becomes another task piled onto other projects he needs to master. needless to say, this is also the time when they’re the busiest with their own music. having finished performing power on stage for the umpteenth time, they are onto finalizing the productions going into their universe album. their first concert dates are coming up very soon as well, but thankfully their choreography for this big of an event has not run into many major issues.

junmyeon finds way to balance all of his performances, knowing when it was time to practice his lines and his choreography for his elyxion solo. regardless of having so many responsibilities to take on, jongdae never hears junmyeon complaining once as he goes through practicing for everything.

as expected of their leader.

still, jongdae wants to help him out in some way. hearing him voice out his concerns is a welcome distraction, but he wishes there’s another way to lighten that load. "you mean for your songs? maybe i could help if it’s for harmony. i could take a look at it and try singing in the female key."

junmyeon cracks a small laugh at his friend. "thanks for the offer, but i wouldn't want you to strain your voice too much for my sake. you're a good singer, and i know you're able to, but i still wouldn't want you to risk it." his eyes are also drawn to the mess on the table, from the textbook and the open notes with scribbled handwriting. (jongdae’s classes might be all online, but it doesn’t mean he’d consider himself tech savvy yet. he wants to keep as much of the traditional way with pen and paper as much as he can.) he points to it with all fingers extended. “plus, you’re being a good student and getting your assignments done. don’t let me be the blame for failing your classes.”

 _for you in need, i’d drop it all._ he thinks to himself comically. he knew that junmyeon won’t encourage abandoning droll assignments for academia, and neither is jongdae completely serious with his secret. so he smiles back and accepts the compliment; at least offering was worth it jongdae's opinion. “you’re putting a lot into this learning and memorizing. i just really want you to do well.”

there's only a couple months until its first show, and he doesn't doubt junmyeon wants to make a good first impression.

\--- 🎭 ---

he's looking a lot sleepier these days, but jongdae doesn't blame him when he's being pulled in every direction. yongmin lets them know of their group schedule to give them all an idea of when to work on their personal things. specifically for junmyeon, when he's not needed for practicing their concert stage direction, he travels to the musical production to rehearse his other choreography.

jongdae receives an invitation to watch a movie with junmyeon at his apartment. he would accept it regardless, but the leader's sudden "i can't move :(" message has him curious enough to come up and see what the problem is.

junmyeon is sitting on the couch surfing through channels when jongdae walks in. his ankles are resting on top of wrapped ice packs that are also on the sofa, although he can see the ice packs are sweating and malleable--a sign that they’ve been out for hours. his script rests close by, closed, and jongdae wonders if he was practicing again before he decided on taking a break by sending his message to jongdae this late in the night.

"i take it that today's rehearsals made you sore?" jongdae is forced to sit on the cushions closer to junmyeon's feet when his upper body leans against the opposite arm rest.

there's a hum back as a response. he’s busy looking for a channel to stay on--the high numbers show he’s made it to where the free movies are playing. he still doesn’t stop on one for longer than ten seconds. "we started practicing on our date scene, so we wore our inline skates for the first time."

"inline skates?" jongdae still feels so far away from the other, so there's a suggestion to elevate his legs some more so jongdae can scoot closer. junmyeon forgoes the ice packs and places them on the table. he rests his calves on the younger' lap then, and jongdae rests his arms over junmyeon’s shins. "you're wearing inline skates during the musical?"

he nods back at him. "technically, we're supposed to be ice skating, but we can't exactly do that on the stage, can we? we have two numbers that we wear them for, so we have to get used to skating and turning in them so we don’t fall during the actual shows."

"your poor ankles. now i really have to see this." with his feet right in front of him, jongdae reaches out to gently massage one of his ankles. he doesn't seem to show any signs of pain on his face as he continues. it doesn't look that bad in jongdae's eyes, but junmyeon always takes the earliest precautions when it comes to his health. "it's not anything too serious, right?"

"no, i'll be better enough to try again tomorrow. it's been a while since i've worn them is all. it's not that bad learning these two. actually, our concert has more choreography to remember while dancing.” finally, he stays on one movie that they both agree on. they’ve missed the very beginning of it, but neither are too bothered by it. “playing rudolf is easier since there's less of a chance for an injury."

“you can do it, hyung! you’ve got this.”

they sit like this making small talk once in a while until junmyeon finds a channel to stay on. he picks up his phone once in a while to check his messages and reply back to some of his friends quickly. jongdae can also see instagram's interface at the corner of his eye, but junmyeon on his phone doesn't take him away from their conversation too much.

sehun returns back into the apartment after walking vivi and joins them for a while. he gives their tangled way of sitting a good stare, but makes no comment on it when he sits on the floor and rests his back against the sofa. he _does_ ask why jongdae’s around at this time which they answer earnestly, but the youngest still has this look on his face that jongdae can’t decipher. neither does sehun decide to give his silent question an answer. a phone call pulls him away from their quality time, and he retreats back into his room as he answers.

junmyeon opts to rest his legs on the other side of the couch this time when he's finished using jongdae as a footrest. he gets upgraded for junmyeon to lean on instead, and jongdae has no qualms about that when junmyeon rests his head against his shoulder. he can see the way the leader's eyes want to close, so he reaches out and pats his side.

jongdae starts singing bye babe softly to himself, having filmed the music video for it just days ago that the tune continues in his head like an earworm. he still finds it somewhat funny that his simple comment on a radio show landed him a collaboration with an artist he'd been listening to for a while. he belatedly thinks of how he’s blessed that this year alone, he was able to work with such notable figures in the music industry this year.

"it's a nice song."

a small smile forms on his face. "not really something you'd want to sing as a lullaby though."

"no, but you have a nice and soothing voice. if you continue singing like this, i really think i can fall asleep."

jongdae chuckles. it’s not a bad idea to lull junmyeon to sleep if that means he can get some rest. "well if you really want to, i can think of something else to sing for you." the movie becomes their background noise when there are other thoughts on their mind. that becomes more of a fact when one of them lowers the volume on the television. he chooses a ballad with a slow melody, closing his eyes so he could remember the lyrics. his voice takes on a lower, quieter tone to match that of the song, but also with the calming purpose making it pleasant to the ears. by the looks of it, the plan seems to be working well.

jongdae can see the way junmyeon’s chest rises and falls in a slow pattern even when his arms are crossed in front of him. he mentally chides on why the older proposed to watch something together when all he was going to do was sleep, but he thinks he gets it at the same time. they all do deserve some shut eye, and he doesn’t have the heart to move in fear of rattling the other.

the nap is short lived when responsibilities weigh back onto junmyeon. his head doesn't lift up, but he rubs his eyes after his yawn. “i should memorize my lines some more…” a passing comment. nothing too urgent when his eyes are still closed.

“your lines can wait for you at least for a few minutes. get some rest, hyung.” the urge to care for the other washes over him as quickly as waves lick against the sand, but the feeling lingers on for much longer than when the water ebbs.

there’s a stern look on their leader’s face as he tries to rest. jongdae feels the need to stare at him for a moment, as if making sure he really was sleeping. his eyes move down from those knitted brows, following the slope of his nose until he reaches those lips that are slightly parted. he feels a warmth spread over him, and his fingers twitch from wanting to reach up and touch his features. he goes against his impulses though, for its lack of personal space and not wanting to wake him up. most of all, he at least wants to avoid waking junmyeon up doing something a little questionable.

he wants junmyeon to finally get some sleep, maybe back in his bedroom, because he really shouldn’t leave the other for the night like this. it wouldn't be worth having a stiff neck in the morning when he can avoid it. jongdae doesn't move until the current show is almost done, however, wanting to stay like this for a little while longer. sehun shows up again from his bedroom to leave the apartment to meet someone, but not without passing another glance to the development happening in the living room.

jongdae pats junmyeon's side to carefully wake him up. he's in a daze for a moment, so jongdae is patient to suggest that he should move to his bed. junmyeon makes a disgruntled noise, possibly because of all the work he still needs to catch up on, but he nuzzles himself onto jongdae's shoulder some more. he’s in between wanting to hold him more comfortably (the preferred option), and trying again to wake him up.

despite leaning towards the former, he chooses the latter. "hyung, i have to go," he says regretfully. another moment, and the sleepy leader sits up to let the younger go.

junmyeon rests back down to where jongdae had just got up from, catches one of the pillows to rest his head on, then picks his feet up from the floor. his legs curl up into fetal position and he makes himself comfortable lying on the couch. jongdae wants to laugh at these turn of events, but how can he let his hyung not sleep? the other is responsible enough to get all of his work done.

so jongdae grabs a spare blanket to lay over the other to avoid catching a cold. “goodnight, hyung,” jongdae says in a quiet voice. it’s enough for him hearing the small hum in return.

_fall asleep in my arms_  
 _don’t wake up_  
 _morning will come again_  
 _so you can peacefully dream_

funny how those lyrics come to mind as he heads back.

\--- 🎭 ---

during their first run through of the concert, they try with all of their set changes.

jongdae doesn’t have to run to the dressing room to change this time, so he stands at the wings of the stage to see junmyeon go through his whole playboy performance. the other members are there to watch him as well, and baekhyun uses jongdae to lean his chin on as his arm swings to rest on his opposite shoulder.

jongdae finds the performance interesting to watch when their leader decided on including a dance instead of doing a ballad this time. and it’s not just any dance, it’s something that the fans know as one of their 'sexier' songs back in a previous concert. it's seductive and handsome, their closeness and the way they moved their hips sent their fans’ hearts a flutter if he remembered correctly. jongdae thinks the impact during this rehearsal would be stronger if they were all wearing their three-piece suits right now. jongdae tries not to think of that at this moment lest he wants to get distracted from what's in front of him.

he can't quite understand why he feels his chest tighten watching junmyeon dance, the song reaching the instrumental cues where he stands up from his seat for the dance break. the feeling explodes inside jongdae when junmyeon lays down on the table and thrusts his hips up. it's a little embarrassing seeing it done like this, but he knows this is also going to be a killing point towards his fans. he wonders too if the fans will react strongly to this part as much as he does to it.

"it's like you're giving yourself a huge upgrade with this," chanyeol comments when junmyeon joins the others after his performance. "you're saying to the world you're in the 'hey, i'm a good singer AND i can be sexy' department. just think of all of your fans going 'oh, our suho oppa has gotten so good at dancing!" chanyeol's voice chances to a higher tone to match that of a female's but his low, raspy voice gives him away.

junmyeon laughs at the analogy, but he doesn't disagree with it either. his face turns to pride with a tinge of haughtiness. "you forgot to add an 'actor' in there."

"right. my bad." chanyeol's voice once again takes on the role of a young woman's. "our triple threat who can sing, dance, and act!"

jongdae snaps out of his daze to laugh with the others, shaking the image of junmyeon practicing this song in his room after chanyeol exposed him. eventually, they're all called out on the stage again to move forward to the next leg of the show.

\--- 🎭 ---

“what happened today? you seem more upset.”

jongdae gets invited out with junmyeon to grab a late night snack after he comes back from rehearsals. the messages he received from junmyeon earlier sounded like he'd just came from a stressful situation. they find a small chicken and beer restaurant in the back roads close to their apartment complex, and they say hello to the workers that offer them a place that's in a more secluded corner than the other tables. they order their usual set, and jongdae snacks on the crackers sitting at their table until their meal arrives.

“it’s a lot of things.” the way his brows furrow is something jongdae wants to soothe over. he doesn’t like it when he sees junmyeon, or anyone in their group for that matter, look upset. the beer and two glasses get placed on their table next, and jongdae reaches for it to uncap it and pour them both a glass. “felt like nothing was going right today. i was forgetting my lines while i was singing. even if i didn’t have any lines on stage, i couldn’t get all my clothes on in time when i had to dress.”

“i thought you’re used to dressing quickly on stage for our concerts. we even had to change while we were singing then.”

“you’d think so, but let’s say i’m out of practice.”

jongdae looks up at the older after he’s sure the head isn’t going to spill over the lip of the glass and places one in front of him. “so there’s a scene where you wear nothing on stage?”

“of course not! but i am wearing underclothes. the scene starts with mary and i having a night together.”

jongdae knows what that means, and he imagines junmyeon on stage wearing his usual sleepwear. it isn’t accurate, but the image is admittedly kind of cute. that is, until the thought takes a turn elsewhere and goes to imagining him wearing something a little more revealing. the sleepwear flashes his abs and the image makes jongdae panic and his face heat up, so he’s quick to steer his thoughts back to the play.

no… no, the production wouldn’t put a half-naked idol on stage... would they? jongdae’s in the heights character had a similar scene that involved benny wearing a tanktop and nina wrapped in a bed sheet, but that wasn’t anything too bad either. “that sounds very intimate.”

the look on the leader’s face looks more lecherous than it’s supposed to. “kyungah is my co-star. i do have to get familiar with her.” jongdae decides it take it as a joke when his expression looks more comical than not. "and we do have to kiss a lot.”

“the only time we get to make out in public,” jongdae comments, as he takes a sip.

“you say that like you kissed nina on stage, chen benny,” junmyeon says with perfect timing and a little smirk on his face.

jongdae almost chokes on his drink, spits it out a little actually, when he uprights his glass quickly. he can hear junmyeon’s laughter while he grabs a napkin to dab off the dribble from his chin. “why?!” he whines loudly, head thrown back. he looks at the older dumbfounded for bringing that up. had junmyeon been sitting on making that comeback for a while?

“it’s true though, isn’t it? you always did that stage kiss turning your back towards the audience.”

“yeah, but…” there is no reply that could save jongdae from this blow. he feels betrayed.

“it’s okay. you were saving face for your fans, right? baekhyun didn’t do it either.”

baekhyun had an entirely different situation in his hands, but jongdae doesn’t bring it up. they were younger then, only having hit their prime that jongdae didn’t want to do something like simply kiss if it would upset the fans. maybe he can change that now, but it’s been years since his time in the musical that he hadn’t thought of it for a while now.

that smug look on his hyung’s face continues to flourish, and jongdae is only mildly annoyed that he seems to have the upper hand. he wants to think of a comeback to this blow, but nothing comes to mind. so what does jongdae do? act like a stubborn kid with a pout. “well have fun kissing your co-star while you can.” that sounded a little immature even if it did leave jongdae’s mouth. junmyeon immediately picks up on that and lord help him when this isn’t going to be the end of the teasing.

“are you jealous?”

“no! this is for the production. it’s not like you’re actually dating her.”

the way junmyeon’s demeanor changes when he knows he’s holding something against jongdae is something jongdae wants to wipe off his handsome face. even the smug way he holds his drink and confidently takes a sip makes jongdae want him to take back those words. “no need to be so upset about it, jongdae. i don’t have any interest in dating her.”

if junmyeon threw out any hints behind his words, jongdae doesn’t pick up on it. “what do you want me to say to that? ‘good for you’?”

junmyeon hums back in thought, a finger tapping lightly against his glass. whatever he wants to say dies on his lips when their food arrives. he never knows what he wanted to say. jongdae doesn’t bring it up again either, satisfied that his question goes unanswered.

“thank you for coming out with me,” junmyeon mentions a long while after. “i feel better.”

\--- 🎭 ---

junmyeon starts to practice during their other schedules, on their way to another festival and while they’re waiting backstage. even for their concert rehearsals when it's not his turn on stage, the concentrated pitches and slow tempo of junmyeon's voice can be heard behind closed doors. jongdae gets familiar with some of the melodies and lyrics since junmyeon continues repeating lines to hit the right notes, and and he grins at the progress he makes.

his singing becomes more confident and put together when they're on their filming site for universe. junmyeon's first show is in a week, and jongdae starts hearing more and more of the musical whenever he's close to the other. he almost doesn't want to disturb him when he's practicing in between their shoots for universe, already being interrupted by the cameras recording everything behind the scenes, but he takes a seat next to junmyeon when it was the other members’ turns to be recorded.

"i think i've heard about half of the musical by now after hearing you rehearse your lines and singing so much of it." it’s going well, and he’s happy that junmyeon has been practicing all this time. “it sounds good.”

“it could be better.” he sounds like he’s ready to voice out his regret. “we did our best during the public rehearsal, but i’ve messed up big time. i’ve memorized my lines and i know the stage cues, but i still feel so unprepared. i don’t think i did a good job with my duet with kyungah.” junmyeon puts his phone down to take a short break. he sits back on the sofa while lacing his fingers together on his stomach, and turns towards jongdae. "you're coming to see me while it's in production, right?"

"of course! wouldn't want to miss it. you supported me in mine, so i should return the favor."

“that’s not the only reason, right?” there’s a smile on his face as he fishes for compliments.

it’s a good thing he’s asking this from jongdae, since he’s one of the best at doing it. “because you’re our leader and i really do want to see how you do as a musical actor.”

he nods, looking satisfied with that answer. “i hope i don’t disappoint you.”

“i doubt you will. you’re hardworking, and i know you’re doing your best.”

“you’re always so kind.” junmyeon smiles warmly and reaches out to pat jongdae’s thigh. there’s a strange sensation that tingles right on that spot, but jongdae does his best not to show it.

\--- 🎭 ---

life has a funny way of turning everything they know and love on its head. no one would have expected the news that spread like wildfire throughout korea; even everyone in the company was in shock and in a state of emergency. the other line had also gone dark when their managers wanted to get answers from the company, but the unfortunate news arrived to them eventually.

he looks towards junmyeon immediately, knowing how close he was to their labelmate. he’s not faring any better than anyone else but he knows that he’s also trying to keep it together. jongdae decides to stay close to junmyeon, wraps his arms around him, and comforts him when he can. junmyeon reciprocates and buries his head against the younger’s shoulder as the sobs rack through his body.

jongdae doesn’t have the heart to leave the other like this, so he joins him in his bed and offers himself as a blanket by hugging him from behind. he stays with him in bed until they both fall asleep, but not without noticing the way junmyeon reaches for jongdae’s hand to hold it tight.

“i’m not going anywhere, hyung,” he responds softly back to him. the way junmeyon relaxes afterwards is also a relief to jongdae.

junmyeon unfortunately only has the time to briefly pay his respects before he’s whisked away to his next musical shows. he leaves early with a heavy heart to the theater after their visit.

jongdae hates to think of what junmyeon must do as rudolf, how he has to go through it in character. he sends junmyeon encouraging messages and he receives replies to with gratitude. jongdae waits for him back at the apartment once his schedule is over, in case he needs someone around again. 

"would you like some company? or do you maybe want to go somewhere for a little bit?" jongdae asks, already wearing his pajamas in case, when junmyeon arrives back. his mind is calm for one moment when their schedules have been canceled, but that also leaves for more time for their thoughts to race.

junmyeon doesn’t seem as enthusiastic about the idea of leaving, however, but he is thankful for the consideration. "i don't think we can afford that right now. we're flying out to japan in a couple days."

although, he does accept the offer of cuddling jongdae while they sleep.

\--- 🎭 ---

their free days coming up to their flight didn’t go to waste. while the boys did have to brush up on their japanese, their priority is put on an effort to talk to each other about the events of the past few days. they talk over it all with a round of drinks, sharing memories, being close again and feeling like a family. baekhyun is ever the reliable one to bring smiles back to their faces albeit in a slow process, but they learn to joke around again temporarily, with the support of each other.

\--- 🎭 ---

jongdae, minseok, and baekhyun find themselves signing up for not only another cbx korean album, but for a japanese studio album and an arena tour soon after. their preparations for the albums start as soon as possible, juggling all of their recording and having their fair share of failing to code switch between korean and japanese. there’s tongue tied moments and friendly teasing around them all. then again, it wouldn’t be an album in the making without it.

junmyeon continues on with his musicals, but he also hears more about the drama he will film after this production is over.

as if that isn’t enough, they get an unexpected announcement about power making its honorable debut at dubai’s fountain. their managers inform them about their plan making the impromptu trip to the city in a few days to watch the show, and the group finds all of their days filled with schedules yet again.

jongdae does have a promise to fulfill to junmyeon though, and he asks his manager to book a ticket on a day he can go.

\--- 🎭 ---

jongdae sits with the audience minutes before the production is supposed to start, finding his seat near the back rows of the first floor trying not to draw too much attention to himself. he wears his scarf along with his hat and mask when he sits down to thaw himself out. catching a cold is really something they can’t afford to have.

jongdae has the aisle seat so that only one person is sitting next to him, but the ones especially behind and to the side of him are passing curious glances his way. he can hear the quiet murmurs of the ones around, the ‘oh my god, chen! chen’s here.’ ‘kim jongdae?! where???’ starting to spread. musical goers finding their seat past him catch a glance and do a double take before stepping into their row. as one person turns around surprised, curiosity makes others start to do the same until even the ones sitting in the front row are standing up and looking behind them to see.

jongdae knows that the eyes are on him, but he tries not to bring any more attention on himself as he stares at the picture projected on the stage; the front page of an old austrian newspaper with german text. the headline disappears after a time, followed by an english text about the forbidden affair.

as he sits in the theater again, jongdae can’t help but think of the production he was in years ago upon looking at the stage. it didn’t have anything fancy like videos playing on the curtains. then again, the setting of jongdae’s musical took place in an area that definitely wasn’t as rich or royal as say the crown prince of austria’s (but he also wouldn’t trade the little _barrio_ he got to play around in either). he figures that those little details are also considered during the production. but as the light starts to dim and the spotlight shines on the conductor, all other thoughts are pushed back until the intermission.

the curtains open up to rudolph standing alone on the dark stage wearing his royal uniform, and jongdae smiles behind his mask finally seeing his friend up on stage acting. now with the live orchestra playing, he thinks it will be nice to hear junmyeon’s voice in this accompanied by it soon enough. he watches the way the setting gets introduced along with its characters while also thinking of how cool it must be to wear such extravagant period piece costumes.

suddenly, when he sees min kyungah on stage as mary, his attention goes to her specifically, listening to her voice and body language.

the musical continues on, junmyeon doing a good job in portraying a frustrated and sometimes unamused rudolf. he meets mary at his father’s party, and the light strikes up in his eyes. jongdae feels… something, from the way their story starts off and how rudolf kisses the back of mary’s hand. this is usually something he would see unfold in fairytales, but he guesses this is similar to one with a realistic twist.

they don’t have many scenes together during the first act, but there are a lot of numbers of them pining for one another. jongdae is critical when he hears the first duet of junmyeon and kyungah together when it was a concern his hyung had while he was practicing, but they seem to be in sync by now after having more than a handful of shows together. rudolf and mary finally have another scene together when rudolf reveals himself as julius felix, the writer going against his father’s reign, and go on a date together to ice skate.

jongdae has been looking forward to watching this scene specifically ever since junmyeon mentioned it to him. he wants to laugh at how good his hyung has gotten at catching himself when he’s ‘falling,’ but also at how smooth his skating has come that he could swiftly spin and stop on cue. their second number has cute choreography with the use of rudolph’s long red scarf pulling them together. kind of romantic too, with the amount of times they almost kiss before mary playfully pulls away.

he’s watching a story, jongdae says to himself, it’s not junmyeon pulling kyungah into a kiss; it’s rudolf, who has fallen for mary’s charms. but something in jongdae still stirs; an uneasiness, he thinks, which is the only way he can describe it.

another scene jongdae remembers junmyeon mentioning comes up during the beginning of the second act. when rudolf and mary wake up in his bed after their rendezvous, mary comforts rudolf from his bad dream. they share a few sweet kisses in between, some as a distraction when rudolf doesn’t want mary to leave.

then right at the end of the musical, when they’ve accepted their fate and travel to meyerling together, as the snow falls on them and they climb into bed, jongdae watches as their kiss lingers the longest. junmyeon’s lips are on kyungah’s lips, not turned away or faked at all. the angle that they’re facing on stage doesn’t leave much to the imagination.

the kiss was so passionate and so… real. he wonders how many times they had to rehearse this until it looked this right. jongdae’s mind wanders towards a junmyeon who’s not in character, too, and whether he kisses the same on stage or if they were somehow different.

\--- 🎭 ---

jongdae arrives backstage with a bouquet in his hands to congratulate him for doing a good job. the other musical actors greet him as he passes by, which jongdae returns with his own greeting that they’ve worked hard, until he’s finally at the dressing room of the man he’s here for.

the screen on junmyeon’s phone shows an interface jongdae’s familiar with seeing, the chirp chirp?, as he passes by text after text. junmyeon, changed back in his own clothes but still with his stage makeup on, looks up and shares a smile with jongdae while he still has bits of apple in his mouth. he stops at a picture on his phone and expands it to get a closer look. “looks like others spotted you here.”

jongdae steps over and sees a side profile of himself while he sits in his chair, and he chuckles at how the fans always manage to capture them while they don’t notice. “yeah, a lot of them were looking for me right before the show. you know, i could have said hi and all to them, but then you just had to distract them being on stage looking all princely and handsome.”

“trying to steal my thunder by being here?” junmyeon teases as he exits out of the app. he stands up from his chair to lean against the vanity instead to be more at eye level with jongdae.

“c’mon, hyung. you know everyone was out there to see you.” jongdae smiles brightly. “which i thought you did a good job on, by the way.” his eyes glance down to the other’s lips for a short moment, but he hopes the other doesn’t catch that.

junmyeon makes his rounds through the cast and the orchestra to praise their good job and wish them well tomorrow. jongdae and junmyeon also take a picture together before leaving with the intention of uploading it shortly after.

“‘in the heights chen-benny came to meet crown prince rudolph!! wow~’” junmyeon narrates as he types the caption. jongdae laughs and hits him lightly in the arm.

jongdae goes through some more thinking, having comments here and there about the performance and the story that he shares with junmyeon on the drive home. he doesn’t share that the image of junmyeon kissing kyungah on stage has not left his mind yet. from their romantic first kiss in winter after their ice skating date, to the playful kisses at the beginning of the second act when rudolf does not want mary to go just yet. they look like a lovely couple. ready to die for each other. he thinks of the passionate kiss right at the end, holding a promise, holding sadness, and a finality that seals their love and escape from their confines.

\--- 🎭 ---

"is that really your point of focus, jongdae?"

minseok goes to see junmyeon’s show two days after, and jongdae is happy to have someone else to be talking about it with. minseok’s question catches him a little off guard, but jongdae laughs it off briefly. "i just want to talk about the musical with you now that you've seen it too!"

"but you're more interested in talking about if i think junmyeon really kisses like that than talking about his singing or acting."

crap. he seems caught. "it is acting... in a sense." 

minseok has this pointed look towards jongdae, and jongdae feels naked under his gaze. “what is it that you want to hear from me, that your boyfriend did really well?”

he chokes on his own spit. “he’s not my boyfriend!”

“well, you want him to be, don’t you?”

jongdae pouts at minseok's accusations, but he can’t seem to refute that. his hyung is quick-witted, and sometimes he forgets that.

a ‘crush’ has never been said out loud before like this, but somehow, it also makes sense to him. the way he feels towards junmyeon, well, he thinks about whether he can do the same with minseok, all the hugging and kissing, but his brain rejects the idea. which is good, because minseok has always been like an older brother to him, nothing more and nothing less.

as jongdae doesn’t reply back to him, minseok lets out a sigh, and leans closer for the younger to listen to clearly. "jongdae, i'm going to tell you this now: if you don't do something about this blatant crush you have on junmyeon, then i will do something about it."

"you wouldn't..."

"try me,” he challenges with a straight face.

sounds like an actual threat. but he knows minseok isn't lying.

\--- 🎭 ---

junmyeon makes a stop over to talk to jongdae again, the latter unaware of the unexpected visit of his hyung. jongdae however doesn't turn him away when he requests to join him in the kitchen.

"i have an interesting message about you,” junmyeon starts as he takes out his phone. jongdae stiffens as junmyeon opens up his kakao app and clears his throat. “minseok's exact words were 'hey, you know jongdae obviously likes you and i don't know why he thinks he can hide it. he’s a horrible actor. so, you know, get on that.’" he reads, looking back up to the younger after he's finished.

"i should have known..." jongdae mumbles to himself. he doesn't know if he should thank minseok or whine at him, neither does he know whether to laugh or cry at his choice of words.

“is it true then?”

the exact answer to that is still a mystery in jongdae’s head. he opens his mouth once to say something, but closes it shortly after. he looks like a fish with the way his words are escaping him, but what the heck does he want to say? "i don’t know, hyung. maybe it’s minseok hyung trying to pull a prank on you.” _right,_ because that was _so_ the truth.

junmyeon looks back to his phone when there seems to have been more to this conversation. he dreads what’s going to be read. “‘oh? what makes you think that?’ ‘your kiss scenes in the musical. ask him about those. he talked about them like he was jealous of them~.’” the characters following it are a laugh of betrayal that junmyeon doesn’t fail to add while he’s reading aloud.

jongdae whines that minseok has left no stone unturned. he’s been cornered.

“you don’t have to look so whiny from knowing that i kiss kyungah on stage. that’s only for the production.”

“i know…” jongdae chooses neither to deny nor confirm what minseok has said to junmyeon. instead he chooses to hear the other out.

“you know, if we do want to talk about stage kisses, or just affection on stage in general, there are already a lot of people on twitter who post about the things they see during our concerts, right?”

he’s dreading to think of where this topic is going when junmyeon pulls up chirp chirp again. he goes through a list of ‘likes’ where the heart under the tweet are filled with red. some likes are just text jongdae can’t read when junmyeon is scrolling quickly. some are videos, and many of them are pictures of junmyeon with the other members. he expands a tweet with a gif embedded of the two of them during their most recent elyxion tour, during the set wearing their white suits. jongdae is singing his part in ‘what u do?’ when he pulls junmyeon closer to him. jongdae’s eyes are on junmyeon until he pulls their faces together for a ‘kiss.’

jongdae can feel his face heating up from embarrassment. he definitely did that for the fanservice, but seeing it recorded and played back to him like this…

“then there’s also this one.” he pulls up another post with a caption above it, but he doesn’t have time to read it when junmyeon touches on the video to make it full screen.

exoluxion. peter pan. sehun has ‘stopped’ time so that he could manipulate the ‘frozen’ others. jongdae knows where this is going, and he can see it in his face on the screen (although jongdae feels like he was always the pawn in sehun’s antics right at this part. sehun pulling him towards kyungsoo. getting pulled closer to minseok another time…). sehun faces him and junmyeon together, tilts their heads in different directions, before pushing them together like dolls to get them to kiss. but jongdae covers his hyung’s mouth before their lips get to touch and kisses the back of his hand. although now, he could swear he sees junmyeon puckering his lips before his hand covers them.

“then there’s this part in the tour when you were showing off my abs--”

“THAT WAS FOR THE FANS!” he defends himself. he knows exactly when this happens since jongdae’s eyes were directly on the big screen. yes, it’s initially because he is proud of what his leader has been maintaining and he wanted the fans to see it, but the way his hand slips down lower was completely unintentional. he did feel some shame for almost undressing him on stage (but not that much shame, if he were being honest). “what’s your point in showing these to me, hyung?”

“you had all these chances to kiss me, jongdae, and yet you never took them.” junmyeon thankfully closes the app and slips his phone back in his pocket. jongdae is saved from any more embarrassing truth of his blatant affection.

“it was for the camera.” he repeats. jongdae thinks that saying this to himself enough times, he’d believe it eventually. it has yet to work.

“is everything for the camera?”

“i…” he wants to say yes, but now he’s confused.

“because what if i said that i’d wished you would have really kissed me?” junmyeon challenges, and he takes a step closer. jongdae braces himself on the closest object. this is all happening so quickly. “would you have done it then?”

that... sounded a lot like an invitation. jongdae looks wide-eyed as he wraps his head around this, and this expectant look in junmyeon’s eyes doesn’t seem like it’ll go away.

“i like you, jongdae, if that’s not obvious enough for you.” he starts smiling at him. "i just didn’t know if it was the same because... i mean, you had a girlfriend."

jongdae's expression turns a little sour at the mention, of how his friends told him of what circled around after they broke up. a part of him is thankful that he's not as dependent on his phone as some people that he could have just gone about his business not knowing it was a topic brought up at all.

"ah, sorry."

"no, you don't have to apologize."

he looks relieved, and the older finally stands back up straighter and away from jongdae’s personal space. but why does jongdae feel a little disappointed about this? “anyway, i just want you to think on it. you don’t have to give me your answer now.”

it almost feels like he’s in some kind of drama once he sees junmyeon walking away. that urge to reach out at him, like the main character grabbing the person’s arms so they could be wrapped around them. that climactic moment when the couple finally realize their feelings for each other, where the viewers are ecstatic that it’s finally come. 

jongdae takes no such chances, however, and he hears the door and close signaling junmyeon’s departure.

he swears to himself at another missed opportunity.

\--- 🎭 ---

jongdae comes to complain to minseok about his messages to junmyeon, followed by sharing the unexpected confession coming from their talk. "really, you can be pretty dense sometimes." minseok comments with an amused smile.

he whines back. "well thanks... that makes me feel _so_ much better."

\--- 🎭 ---

the ‘moment’ comes later, a couple days after their talk.

jongdae had been around their apartment to ask sehun about whatever the newest thing on the internet had made its round, since he and minseok are waiting for baekhyun to finally get out of the shower and head to practice.

well, that was only part of the reason for visiting. the main reason passes him on his way to the door, and his mind gets distracted to keep track of where their leader is. jongdae watches as junmyeon slips on his shoes at the foyer and pulls on his winter coat before he opens the front door. jongdae excuses himself from sehun to walk down their hallway to talk to the other before he leaves.

“hyung…” suddenly, he feels something caught in his throat and his heart is beating faster. damn it, why is his body being like this? it’s not like this is his first time.

junmyeon stares back at him for a moment until his brows knit together in confusion. he’s patient, but his head does tilt to the side and he waves his hand to get jongdae’s attention again. “jongdae?”

he’s frozen in his spot, between moving forward but his nerves keeping him in place. it’s the flight or fight response he’s dealing with, his mind racing until it comes to a screeching halt.

jongdae steps forward quickly, before he can back out from this, and places a hand on junmyeon’s shoulder to brace himself. there’s still confusion on his face, but maybe this time with a little hope? jongdae doesn’t know what he’s doing. no. he does know what he’s doing. but now he’s here and the reality hits and junmyeon’s right in front of him, jongdae is too close now not to pretend this was an accident.

ah, screw it.

jongdae leans forward and pecks junmyeon on the lips. junmyeon expects it somewhat, when he feels some sort of reciprocation when their lips touch. his face is heating up more when his gaze looks below the other’s features, but he can see the pleased smile stretching across junmyeon’s face at the corner of his eye. “... good luck today.”

that grin only gets wider. junmyeon always had handsome smiles, but this one was looking particularly so. “thank you,” he says, reaching out and brushing his hand along jongdae’s wrist as another silent thank you for his answer. 

as he leaves, he feels another pair of eyes boring into him from behind. the adrenaline from his kiss dies down and a bashfulness starts taking its place. “get that smile off your face, oh sehun.”

jongdae finally turns around to see that sehun had not moved from his spot but had a view of the whole thing. he holds his hands up not looking for a fight, although still looking a bit pleased. “all i’m saying is that it took you long enough.”

jongdae can’t believe he did that, but he also feels like a huge weight has finally been lifted off his shoulders. figures that sehun looks completely okay after watching that. but the youngest’s next concern is to open up his kakao messages to call someone, jongdae couldn’t see whom, but that question gets answered quite quickly. “chanyeol hyung, he did it today. you owe me 50,000.”

“you… did you guys--...”

suddenly, jongdae hates everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> you also might notice that this is chapter 1 of 2.
> 
> ... :)  
>   
> ( i ran out of time to finish everything i planned out for this, but since i have the other scenes written out, i'm still in the process of editing it ❤).


End file.
